Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Why so serious........


Sharing a bottle of wine with one of my long time friends I catch her staring at me for a long time without blinking
So I ask her what's on her mind and she says well....... YOU!
So i'm like ya what about me has you pondering while I finish this bottle all by myself
She looks at me temporarily sobering up and wide eyed and say's "your too damn serious!"
So then I go into one of my self analyzing moments that tend to drag on far too long
And I snap out of it to her waving her hand in front of my face, she's like see your too damn serious
I tell her not all the time and M's like 90% of the time it's like life has broken you, your not how you use to be
An truth be told i'm not how I use to be if you were to go back 5 years ago you wouldn't reconize me or be able to make sense of how she morphed into me...
So I asked M what in life do you think changed me or rather grinded me into who I am now
M responds simple answer: attachment abuse lies heartache or another words: Men!
I was like all that does have something to do with who I am now but that can't be it there's more don't you think? M's like lets see I want you to write down a list of songs that relate to how you feel something you might put on a playlist So I hunted down a scrap of paper and a pen and thought for a few minutes and this is what I came up with
1.E.S.T. White lies
2.Cry for love Iggy Pop
3.Above and below The Bravery
4.Early Winter Gwen Stefani
5.Hurt NIN
6.Carry my body down Nick 13
7.For the restless Tom Mcrae
8.Sleep Dandy Warhols
9.More than this The Cure
10.Wrong Depeche Mode
11.Wash Away Joe Purdy
12.We are nowhere and it's now Bright Eyes

She's Like look at this all fucking depressing shit about hating your life and bad relationships
Then she's like ok besides the beginnings of your past relationships when was the last time you felt truely happy and relaxed and not so fucking serious?
5 or so minutes pass.......
I was like about 5 1/2 years ago
She's like ok what happened in your life 5 1/2 years ago that changed things?
...... a relationship, my first serious relationship
M's like there you fucking go Men and bad relationship's have been the Chupacabra that have sucked the fucking life outta you!
After laughing about the Chupacabra analogy I ask her what do you purpose I do to save my remaining life juice?
M's response become monk like and swear off sex and all human contact besides lively conversations with your crazy ass friends over a bottle of wine....
Oh really I say and what the fuck do you think i've been doing the past few month's obviously if you think i've been having sex and "physical" contact it must have been while sleeping
M's like well damn hmmm...... since you've tried that well maybe fuck it I don't know grab another bottle and crack it open!
So thus end's my friends drunken half cocked Dr.Phil analysis of me and my issues left without a diagnosis lol

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Bound to nothingness


Bound tight with longing
By silken cords of desire

Burning emotions chain and bind her
Wrapped around her
A slave of love always unrequited

She wakes to the cold emptiness
She bends her will to try to forget

She softly calls out to what is never there
Cold damp chills of loneliness circle about
She beckons to the vast nothing

She’s left bound and longing for what is never there
She’s left longing for what will never be there